


surrender up my heart

by justanotheryeoja



Category: Dead Kids (2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, M/M, Romance, Slow Burn, emotionally constipated mark sta maria, mentions of other dk characters, taglish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:42:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23259358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanotheryeoja/pseuds/justanotheryeoja
Summary: Days before their graduation, Charles decided to cross the line that separates him and his world.
Relationships: Charles Blanco/Mark Sta. Maria
Comments: 7
Kudos: 9





	surrender up my heart

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Ayon, wala kasi masyadong Sta. Blanco na fic kaya eto na lang muna ambag ko. HAHAHAHA. Pagpasensyahan niyo na yung mga grammatical errors at typo, medyo mapurol na ang writing skillzzz lol. Mostly mga kanta ng Spongecola ang pinapakinggan ko while doing this so you guys might want to listen to their songs rin while reading hehehe 
> 
> Feel free to leave your comments and suggestions below! Salamat and sana magustuhan niyo :)

They say the final term is synonymous to solace since most of the students are about to leave all the miseries of being a high schooler behind and step into another agonizing chapter of being functional, socially responsible, productive adults. It can also be a pathway to freedom of some sort; a time to let go of whatever holds them back, keeps them grounded, or made them fly to the vast unknown. Like getting rid of a drug he got himself addicted to, Charles knew how difficult this stage can be.

Today, he must let go of a portion of him. He played _The Scientist_ in his car since morning, too many times that he lost count. _Nobody said it was easy_ , especially when the person he devoted himself to was never his in the first place. _No one ever said it would be this hard_ , letting the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life will finally watch him shatter into pieces because of his absurdity and carelessness _. If he could only go back to the start,_ he would but he doubts if he would find salvation from anyone but Mark.

Charles was unsure of how it happened, or when it started, but it abruptly struck him one time during their sophomore year while sitting on the farthest side of the room with the socially awkward Mark Sta Maria reporting about all sorts of rocks right in front of the class. Charles was unsure of why he felt so attracted to such perfection _. But he knew for a fact he is in love_. He is in love with a man. He is in love with a man out of his league. Too good for a guy with bad habits, too fine to be kept by a mediocre dressed in hoodies, too fragile to be held by his destructive hands. He is in love with a man who gets tons of confessions every week yet decides to drop all of them and focus on his lessons. He is in love with someone who looks at Janina Camiloza, the class secretary, earnestly. He is in love with Mark Sta Maria.

Everyone calls Mark the ‘ _newcomer’_ , the _‘scholar from Tacloban’_ , the ‘ _dead kid’_ , and other silly names. Charles calls him _Sta Maria_ on typical school days, _Mark_ on some nights when he’s drunk and in need of another soul to talk to until daybreak, and _Mahal_ in silence. They’ve been friends since the day Mark transferred yet it took a couple of unrequited looks and subtle smiles for Paolo and Gideon to understand that their pal, who dreads forming bonds with people, finally craved for more. From that day forward, Charles made sure Mark will never feel isolated, sad, hurt, or unsafe. However, it seems like Mark sees the three equally, maybe a little different for Charles who’s been giving mixed signals through the years. At the end, _Blanco is my friend,_ Mark will always, _always_ tell himself. _A very, very good friend_. Nothing more. _Please_. 

When Charles showed up in front of the library that afternoon, patiently waiting for Mark to leave with a pile of books, he already knew he made a huge mistake. He could be somewhere else, with someone else. Maybe in a nearby club with Gideon and the rest of the class, or get a cheap _massage_ at Geisha’s Touch Spa with Pao. He could lock himself up inside his room and play his PlayStation, but he didn’t. Charles hates putting his heart on the line because more often than not, him alone chooses to cross. And it is absolutely lonely on the other side especially when no one’s with him. Tonight was a gamble and he is ready to lose his all even before he decided to drag himself closer to Mark. 

Of course, Mark was startled to see Charles at this time. It has been five days since they stopped talking to each other without letting the other two notice the sudden change. Mark was clueless. His friend, the person he trusts more than anyone, _Charles Blanco_ , distanced himself. Mark wondered if he got tired from being so nice to him after all these years. He kept telling himself that _it’s fine_ , that maybe he’ll meet someone as good or even better than Charles in UP but just the mere idea of not being with Charles in the next four years, in the future, hurts him for reasons he chose not to entertain. It’s their last day in Padua and Mark already removed the idea of getting another confession and breaking another heart. However, this tall man who ignored him for days had the guts to ask if they can meet in the school grounds after their respective classes. “Mark…” Charles mumbled, standing beside the door frame, looking so small and fragile in front of an equally shy Mark. The other allowed him to talk although there’s a wild assumption in his head in regards to Charles’ initial intentions, but he will wait for him to say it. “Pwede ba kita maka-usap doon sa bench sa gilid ng grounds mamaya?” he almost whispered, as if those were the last words he could say before finally running out of voice. Mark heard it, despite the noisy class behind him, despite the low tone Blanco used, despite all the mental notes popping in telling him to pretend not getting a single syllable right. Mark would love to dismiss this offer, but it’s Charles, a soul the means so much to him, so he agreed.

”Ah, sige.” He doesn’t want to hurt his friend and maybe, he doesn’t want to hurt himself too.

Students started leaving the hallways of the school with bittersweet goodbyes. Mark arrived minutes after Charles and they sat there in silence, watching people pass by. The sun was beginning to hide underneath the heavy night clouds, painting the sky in various hues of orange, blue, and pink. Charles thinks it was beautiful, but not enough to surpass Mark. It was Charles who started first. This was his plan after all. “Siguro alam mo na kung bakit kita gustong maka-usap.”

Mark shook his head yet remained focused on the chaotic scenery before them. “Hindi. Hindi ko nga rin alam kung bakit bigla ka na lang umiwas.” There was a hint of pain tangled within his words which Charles cannot classify as good or bad sign. Mark doesn’t want to sound so needy. He entered this school without any hopes of meeting such amazing company like Blanco, Uy, and Pao. He will be fine with or without them, but he got too attached and maybe this slight inconvenience caused by Charles made him realize a lot about their ties.

“Sinasanay ko lang sarili ko na wala ka.” Charles answered, trying his best to sound positive when everything is starting to fall apart. He glanced at the love of his life. _Akin ka na lang. Ako na lang._ He thought. All of a sudden, Mark let out a deep sigh. “Gago ka.” He mumbled.

No one talked after that, as if both are waiting for anyone to break the thick air surrounding them. “Huling araw na natin ‘to. Graduation na sa isang araw. Last chance ko para sabihin na mahal kita.” This is not a new thing for Mark. He started getting confessions from a number of students in various levels right after entering Padua. Charles shoot his shot during junior year. He started being overprotective of _his_ Sta Maria and did other things he never tried to do with anyone. There were hundreds of hints, but Mark kept on purposely dodging them. Until his friend confessed, in the most casual and conversational way. They were on the way home to Sta Maria’s when Blanco just said _‘Matagal na akong may gusto sa’yo. Mahal kita, Mark. Mai-intindihan ko kung magagalit ka sa akin or kung irereject mo ako. Basta ang mahalaga nasabi ko sa’yo na mahal kita.’_ That night was too much that Mark wasn’t able to sleep a blink.

“Hindi ka ba napapagod, Charles?” Asked the other. _This is frustrating_ , he thought. Charles still loves him. _He never stopped_. Despite of not being given any assurance, he continued showing his love. “Sa loob ng ilang taon, araw-araw kong pinaparamdam sa’yo na mahal kita.” Blanco said, lightly running his fingers on Mark’s hair. _He’ll miss this_ —he’ll miss Mark being so patient with him to the point that such intimacies were allowed. “Mark, hindi ako napagod kahit minsan.”

There was a brief moment of silence before a faint “Pagod na ako” escaped Mark’s lips.

“Pagod ka na sa akin?” Charles questioned as he carefully moved Mark’s face towards his direction. Mark felt so weak and tired at that point. Everything about Charles and his lover boy antics puts him in a state of disorientation. _But no, he will never get tired of this man_. “Pagod na akong itulak ka palayo. Pagod na akong saktan ka.” No emotions found both on his face and voice but the other can sense the weight Mark has to deal with. He stopped playing with Mark’s hair and flashed a bright smile, hoping that it can be contagious enough to snatch the frown away from his _friend’s_ beautiful face.

The number of students in the vicinity decreased but neither noticed. “Lagi mo sinasabi sa akin na wala kang pakialam sa love na yan at kahit kelan hindi ka magiging interesado sa kahit sino, pero nagalit ba ako?” Charles, using the softest voice he could ever make, questioned. The other slowly shook his head. “Nagbago ba ako?” for the second time, Mark motioned that he didn’t. “Iniwan ba kita?” and for the third and final one. Charles _stayed_ , he kept on coming back, and Mark _hated_ how dedicated he is.

“Bakit nga ba hindi ka sumuko noon pa lang?” He fully knew why Charles insisted to be this close with him and Mark continuously asks himself if he was, is, and will ever be worthy of the love and affection given by the man. It is quite amusing how Charles effortlessly keeps his cool in times like this, Mark thought while waiting for a response. Acting as if it doesn’t hurt at all, as if Mark’s words doesn’t leave him wounded and weak. Calm and contained as always. And in a heartbeat, he got a reply. “Hindi mo naman ako pinatigil eh. Ikaw lang naman ang hinitintay ko.” Charles sighed, crossing his legs and sitting comfortably like a normal smug would do.

Out of all the words clouding in his head, Mark answered with another query coming straight from his heart. “Susuko ka na ba ngayon?”

Mark unconsciously wished that he won’t. _Huwag ngayon. Huwag muna._

“Gusto mo ba?” Just like a robot in control, Charles would definitely do whatever Mark desires. And if it means keeping his feelings at bay, he will. There was this sheer regret from asking because what if Mark decides to cut him off his life? But he will do it, no matter how hard it might be.

Mark assured himself that living without Charles and his unrequited affection was tolerable until he imagined not sitting next to him every lunch, not sharing an umbrella on a rainy evening, not getting those sweet little messages to get him though a tough day. And it somehow pains him deep inside, so he eliminated the thought of it. He _loves_ how Charles _loves_ him yet he feels bad for not giving it back. “Ang gusto ko sumaya ka.”

All of a sudden, Charles looked at him and he stared back. A genuine smile that slowly breaks him apart welcomed him right away. “Masaya ako na ikaw ang mahal ko. Alam mo yan.” _Tangina naman, Charles!_ Mark said in his head. His heart beats wild along with fidgeting fingers.

“Ano bang nakita mo sa akin? Ang dami namang iba jan na hindi _dead kid_.” He meant those girls from the volleyball club, all the women who tried to hit on him at the club, the boys who smoke with him after class, basically anyone but him. Charles only laughed before finally, _finally_ taking Mark’s hand on his own and holding it tight.

“Isn’t it crazy how a dead kid makes me feel so alive?”

At that moment, he wanted to cry his heart out. Charles never fails to make him feel things he doesn’t want to feel. He never stopped Charles from doing all this heart-caving acts for knew that within his system which rejects the idea of falling fast and hard, this man holding his hand holds more space than he should. And Mark can’t do anything about it.

“Sorry, Charles. Ang laki ng atraso ko sa’yo.” By that, he meant ‘ _Sorry kasi hindi kita pinigil’ ‘Sorry kasi hindi ko magawang iparamdam sa’yo kung gaano ka kahalaga sa akin’ ‘Sorry kasi wala akong ibang ginawa kundi saktan ka’_.

Still not letting go, Charles answered. “Wala kang kasalanan sa akin, Mark. Ako yata ang may kasalanan sa’yo. Pinipilit ko masyado yung sarili ko sa’yo kahit alam ko naman na hindi talaga tayo pwede.” Mark is good at everything except the blame game. He hates throwing them on people who did him right, he hates making Charles feel so responsible for all the pain he’s going through.

“Hindi ka ba galit sa akin?” He asked, hoping to get a bitter ‘ _galit ako sa’yo_ ’ in response just to put him in a better state.

“Galit lang ako sa’yo pag inaabot ka ng kalahating araw magreply sa mga text ko tsaka pag nagpapalipas ka ng gutom.” Close, but not what Mark really wants to hear. Charles appears to be serious on the other hand. There’s no way he’s lying to Mark. In fact, he claims that he never ever lied to the man, which Mark believes.

“Charles naman eh! Seryoso!”

And he slowly moved his hand away from Mark’s before raising it as a gesture of promise. “Hindi nga!” he exclaimed, controlling his half-hearted laugh. He schooled a softer expression before continuing. “Ayos na sa akin yung hinahayaan mo akong iparamdam sayo kung gaano kita kamahal. Gusto ko lang naman maging masaya ka kasi pag masaya ka, masaya ako.” He wants to hold Mark a little more, but he needs to get used to this. At the end of this day, he must hold his own hand anyway.

“Masaya rin ako sa’yo.” With all his heart, Mark decided to finally let go of a portion that holds him back. Charles needed to hear that. Mark had to say that. 

“Puta, galing magpakilig ah!” There was a wide grin on Charles’ lips yet he’s aware that Mark isn’t up for a battle. Indeed, they’re happy with each other but it’s totally not on the same level.

A moment of silence passed by. Both are still on the process of digesting the conversation minutes ago. It was beyond overwhelming for Mark. It hurts to see Charles grip on the tiny string of hope. He must do something about it. “Hindi mo ako mahal.” Mark said out of nothing. It was plain yet shaky.

Confused, Charles glared. “Mahal na mahal kita, Mark. Ano ba yang sinasabi mo?” Running his free hand along Mark’s soft locks.

“Sinusubukan kong baguhin yung isip mo.” He explained calmly. He thought that maybe these feelings are only temporary or shallow enough to be erased by a simple intervention. However, the idea made his heart clench. _Gago, ang hirap ng ganito._

Charles pouted, thinking about the man’s silly attempt. He wrapped an arm around Mark’s waist and _damn_ , it feels good to be claimed this way. “Wala akong hindi gagawin para sa’yo.” It is true. Charles Blanco will do anything for him without remorse or regret. When he said anything, it includes paying for Mark’s rent for six months, buying him food, and giving him a ride home to save money. Even lessened his cigarette usage since Mark hates the way it smells. Few months back, Mark recalled seeing Chuck at the school cafeteria, face and limbs littered with wounds and bruises plus an injured leg, and Charles sat next to him with scrapped knuckles. This happened a day after Chuck bullied Mark in front of more than a hundred students during a stage play. Mark also remembered how Charles took the blame when someone from Loyalty reported that Mark Sta Maria, the scholar with a crystal clear record, does homework for cash. Charles went straight to the office and claimed that he ordered Mark to do his project in exchange for money which is, _of course_ , a lie. It gave Charles a week of suspension, much better compared to the possibility of Mark losing his scholarship if proven guilty. That day, Mark begged Charles to stay with him in his apartment as he wept on his arms, mumbling how unfair the world is to him and how much of an _asshole_ Charles was for putting himself in trouble just to clean his name. _‘Basta tigilan mo na yang pag gawa ng assignment ng iba ha? Ayoko na masuspend ulit. ‘Di pa nga nagsstart yung suspension, namimiss na kita agad’_ Were the words he said to ease the sorrow in their hearts. Truly, Charles will do anything for him.

Depriving himself from the comfort offered by Charles is difficult for Mark. He loves being touched, held, and loved this way. Yet he can’t reciprocate the affection. All he can do is to fall into the other’s arms and leave him clueless of his real feelings. “I don’t deserve you, Charles, not even the kind of love you’re willing to give. You deserve all the good things in this mad world.” Mark said, looking straight at the man before him. _Ang ganda ng mga mata mo, Charles. Hinding-hindi ako magsasawang tignan ka._

“Tangina. Eto na naman tayo.” Charles sighed. _Ano bang alam mo sa mga bagay na deserve ko?_ _I know what I deserve, and that’s you!_ He remembered saying that during their prom night, when Mark said the same line as they secretly danced at the empty school parking lot, away from the gossips, the chaos, and the distractions. But at one point, Charles got tired of explaining, he allowed Mark to repeat these words again and again, hoping that one day he’ll get tired.

“There are a hundred million galaxies surrounding ours, you’ll definitely find a home in one.” Mark replied to Charles, _his home. A home he can’t even claim as his._

“Dito lang ako sa’yo. Bahala na kung hanggang kelan. Basta sa’yo lang ako.” Charles guaranteed. And with that, Mark cannot bring himself to say no.

Mark has always been very private with regards to how he feels for every confession, every heartbreak, and every love-related matter that crosses his way. Out of all people, he only told everything to Gideon. He felt a special connection with the guy which made him comfortable. He said it saddens him too, it’s a burden to push people away, but he can’t do anything about it. Gideon also knows how Mark really feels for Charles, yet he never interfered with the two. Charles happens to be fine with it though, not getting anything in return aside from Mark’s unlabeled gestures.

The school bell rang, officially ending all the classes for the day. They heard some teachers passing by, telling the students to prepare well for their upcoming graduation two days from now. At that point, Mark thought of something. “Charles,”

“Hm?” he responded right away.

“Do you think the universe fights for two people to be together?” His words were clear and in obviously radiates a certain kind of sadness.

Charles paused, trying to fetch a line he read from a random book given by his father’s friend. “When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” He quoted.

“Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist.” _Hm, impressive_. Mark thought. How can he not know this? It’s his favorite book, which eventually became Charles’ favorite too. 

Charles nodded. “Sana pinaglaban tayo ng universe, no?”

“Siguro sinubukan ng universe, kasi sinubukan ko rin. Pero at the end, siguro the universe realized he can’t win this fight, and I realized that too.” Mark’s response was filled with loose ends, too many to leave Charles shocked. Mark rarely talks about his feelings with Charles, and it’s surprising how he brought that up just now.

“Sinubukan mo akong mahalin?” Underneath these words, a simple ‘ _oo’_ was the only thing Charles wished for. If they can’t end up together, at least Mark tried. There was an _attempt_. He _tried_.

Answering a simple question suddenly became too difficult for Mark. Everyone knows how smart he is, but this one requires something off the books, the lectures, and journals. Giving a solid response to this is like baring his all to Charles, which he doesn’t mind but everything will surely change. Any word that will slip off his mouth will turn everything around. He looked at Charles, who’s lovingly staring at him as he waits. How can he not fall for those eyes? How can he not fall for the guy who literally saves him in every moment of distress? How can he not fall for the man he calls _his home_? And he started to sob slowly, launching himself onto Charles’ arms where he usually stays. 

“Gusto kita itago. Gusto kita ipagdamot. Gusto kita alagaan. Gusto kita ipaglaban. Gusto kita makasama ng matagal. Pero hindi ko alam kung kaya ko. Hindi ko alam kung sapat ba ako para sa’yo.” Mark kept on rejecting everyone for two reasons, he likes to focus on his studies and his heart belongs to someone else. He fell in love with Charles sometime along Junior year, even before his confession, but he chose to ignore whatever he’s feeling. He doesn’t know anything about love and relationships, he doesn’t want to take the risk, and he feels inadequate. He sees himself as a dead kid, nothing more than. With this, he believes that such relationships aren’t designed for him. Gideon believes that Mark was being utterly coward. Scared to face his own doubts and too selfish to give himself and Charles the genuine happiness they both deserve. _And maybe he’s right_ , Mark thought, but he promised not to crash. No matter how Gideon shouts at him on the phone. No matter how Charles makes him feel loved in every heartbeat. No matter how this hurts him too. _It’ll pass. These feelings will pass._

Tears gush over his face, but he remained glorious in the eyes of Charles. Mark looks so perfect even when he cries.

Torn between a huge wave of undifferentiated emotions, Charles hugged him tight. He allowed the man to talk, to release all the pent-up sentiments. Seeing Mark breakdown is hard but hearing him say that the man he loves actually wants him in some way brings him joy. “Ang dami ko pang tanong sa sarili ko. Ayoko sumugal kasi ayaw ko masaktan. Ayaw na kitang saktan.” Mark continued as the other kept on comforting him by rubbing his back and placing light kisses on his head.

This isn’t a time to celebrate. Charles realized how Mark suffered as well. He’s battling with himself all along. “You are more than enough, mahal” Charles assured once Mark’s sobs subsided. He loved calling him _mahal_ out loud. It felt so right. “Na-iintindihan kita. Sinarado mo yang puso mo kasi may mga bagay ka na dapat unahin at walang masama doon! Kung handa ka na, sana ‘wag ka matakot magmahal.”

Mark moved away from the hold that’s keeping them close. Not because he doesn’t want to be this intimate with Charles, he just wants to see his face, his lips, his eyes, everything about Charles Blanco that makes his heart do a thousand somersaults when they’re together. “Sa kanilang lahat, sayo lang ako nakaramdam ng ganito.” He confessed, being too brave at the moment. Nothing to hide now, he can tell Charles everything. He confessed how much he wants Charles to be _his_ , however his heart still tells him he can’t have everything he desires.

It was a privilege to be loved by Mark, yet Charles knew that there’s no way for them to be together. He heard it—Mark _tried_ to love him, but he still can’t due to various circumstances he would rather not question. He cannot ask for more, no matter how bad he wants to beg the other to reconsider his decision. Mark settled for this and he must swallow this bitter pill. As of now, he stopped thinking about him, it’s all about Mark and how he must understand that Charles doesn’t mind being tortured like this. He wiped Mark’s tear stained cheeks and held his hands. “Hindi man ako yung para sa’yo, alam ko na isang araw mahahanap mo rin siya at magiging masaya kayong dalawa sa isa’t isa.“ Strange as it may sound but Mark sobbed harder after the last word. Powerful enough to trigger each string of emotion Charles has been holding back since the start. “Salamat sa pagbibigay sa akin ng pagkakataon na mahalin ka. Salamat din sa,” he paused, not knowing how to label Mark’s feelings for him. “…d’yan, sa kung ano mang nararamdaman mo para sa akin. Sorry kung pinahirapan kita. I guess, it’s my cue to leave you now. Lalayo na lang rin talaga ako para hindi ka na mahirapan.” Mark had to retract his hands to dab the fresh tears off his flushed face. The pain inside his heart was indefinable and he’s pretty sure it’s his first time to feel an ache with such severity.

_Ang tanga talaga ni Charles! Bakit siya lalayo eh ako naman ang may kasalanan?!_ His mental monologues were cut short when Charles stood up from the bench.

“Una na ako, Sta Maria”. His words were too dry, and for _goodness sake_ , he used _Sta Maria_ when he just called him _Mahal_ minutes ago. “Hindi na kita maihahatid ngayon,” a dash of regret there, looking at Mark’s bloodshot eyes. He wonders if the man can arrive home safe at this state, but he’ll be selfish… _like Mark_. “Inom muna ako ng konti. Pang pagaan lang ng dibdib.” Actually, he doesn’t really know what to do after leaving this place. Sure he’ll go to his car, then what? Cry? Drive without a clear direction in sight? Call his friends? He needs to breathe anywhere far from everything that will remind him of Mark. “Ingat ka pauwi! Mag text ka pag nasa bahay ka na. Baka nga pala hindi ako umattend ng graduation. Congratulations in advance. Sobrang proud ako sa’yo! ” they shared one last glance at each other, then Charles started walking away.

It’s human nature to feel— _a blessing and a curse_. Imagine breaking two hearts at the same time because you’re too scared to risk. Imagine letting Charles hit the rock bottom by telling him they can’t happen just after admitting that he feels the same and sending him to rapid euphoria. All his life, he devoted himself to his studies; to the type of growth that doesn’t fully satisfy his soul. Then he met Charles, the man who treats him as if he’s the most precious being ever made. Yet he chose to shatter the person who carefully fixed every piece of him. _Heartless_.

Charles dragged himself out of the place. His mind went blank as he resorted to trusting his legs. He’s heading to the empty parking lot, and he just can’t wait to lock himself up inside the car and maybe fall apart for the meantime. Of all the years he loved Mark, he never imagined that he’ll be crumbling in pain right after hearing him confess. Then he asks, _confessions of love should feel nice, right?_ Yes, confessions are not supposed to feel like being stabbed by thousands of knives. Loving Mark in silence was so much better, it didn’t hurt this much. As he got closer to his car, a faint voice called for his name.

“Charles.”

That voice only belongs to one person. He turned around to look at him despite the fatigue slowly eating him up. “Hm?” Mark was few steps behind him, panting. He tried not to burst into tears. He already endured too much pain today. He’s not sure if he could take more. Is there a scientific data on how much heartbreak a person could tolerate in an hour?

The man walks closer, and closer, and _closer_ until its only few inches keeping them apart. With all his remaining courage, Mark asked “Makakapaghintay ka pa ba?”

“Mark…” Shocked and out of words, Charles stood there unaware of what Mark means.

Before Charles could go with this sentence, Mark enveloped him in a tight hug and nuzzled on Charles’ neck. _Too bold,_ to be honest, but no one protested because _who the hell are they fooling_? They both _want_ this. They both _need_ this. “Huwag ka muna mapagod. Sandali na lang, ha? Aayusin ko lang sarili ko. Hintayin mo ako, please. Babawi ako, sa’yo.” Mark’s voice was smooth as always, and it was warm against Charles’ skin. It may sound too much to be granted but this is worth the try. It finally hit Mark…Charles is worth the risk.

Without thinking twice, Charles returned the embrace and responded. “Oo naman. Take all the time that you need. Dito lang ako, mahal.” _How can he not agree to this?!_ He waited before, even without any guarantee. Of course, he will still wait now that Mark promised to figure things out with him. “I’ll be here until you’re ready. I’ll be here as you search for answers. I’ll be here for as long as you need me.” He whispered, which was later rewarded with low sniffs, gentle nods, and light trembling.

Mark started crying _again_. Not because of the suffocating sensation he went through earlier, but due to happiness and contentment. Charles once told him that whoever gets to be with him will be the luckiest human on earth. But he thinks the opposite, having a man like Charles is certainly one of the best things in his lifetime. “Salamat sa pagpili mo sa akin araw-araw, Charles. Sobrang swerte ko sa’yo.”

They stayed that way for a couple of seconds. Not giving a damn if someone sees them. All that matters is they’re sharing this moment together. “Tahan na.” Charles whispered to Mark, soothing him through soft strokes on his back. Mark moved a little and stared at Charles with glassy eyes, “Oh? Bakit pa-iyak ka na rin?” he mentioned as he stares at the pooling tears on _his_ man’s eyelids. There was an obvious tint of teasing along his voice. They both decided to let out a little laugh.

“Gago! Shempre tears of joy!” Charles was fast enough to remove these droplets away from his face. He’d rather keep a wide grin on his face for the entire day instead of going too emotional over this. “Mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal kita, Mark.” He added with a distinct emphasis on every word. Mark didn’t have to say it back, yet he held Charles’ face with both hands and deeply stared at him, somehow signaling that he feels the same.

Mark spent few more moments to admire _his_ man. He’s so happy, he even kind of hated himself for not doing _this_ years earlier. The future is scary but he’s ready to spend the next chapters of his life with Charles. “Uwi na tayo.” Mark sweetly suggested, lightly tugging Charles towards the car. With his surprise, Charles chuckled, hugged him tight from the back and made a tender kiss on the crook of his neck.

“Nakauwi na ako.”


End file.
